I have been depressed. I never told anyone about it, nor have I talked about it on my blog. If you knew me and I tell you I am depressed, you would probably laugh and say "you kidding me" I don't blame them. I hide it so well, that even I sometimes don't even believe it anymore. Only at times like tonight, do I worry and finally let out my feeling. We all talk about people having a dark past or secret. Maybe this has been my dirty li'l secret. My depression. I've been hiding it so well, so why tonight do I talk about it? Honestly I don't know maybe because someone has just shared how depressed she is, how lately she's been hurting herself again, inflicting bruises and banging her head against the wall just so she could stop the pain. All those time she was sharing, all I did is to listen and give advice when I felt like screaming and wanted to say "I've been there" But I am so scared that she will think differently about me. And deep down I hated myself for being thankful and relieved because I know someone who's been depressed also and relieved because I handled well my depression. I am depressed by I don't hurt myself anymore, not that I never tried but I was so scared of physical pain and the blood.That I just ended up drinking and smoking but eventually I realized they don't help me at all so I stop and just stick with my blogging. I am not like her. I don't inflict pain to myself, I don't bang my head against the wall, I don't isolate myself. When depression attacks like tonight. I just write on my journals, I blog and I just cry and keeping my faith. I want to help her by I feel so helpless. I can only listen but what she needs is a professional help. I know what it feels like to be very depressed, I know how it feels when she keeps hurting herself I've almost done that.I just hope she'll be okay.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
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